dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
