youre lurking in front of me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
