If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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