Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
