her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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