his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
