the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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