I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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