If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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