ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
