You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
