i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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