i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize