you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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