it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
