My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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