There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
