the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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