M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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