you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
