How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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