I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
