So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
