We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
