Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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