Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
