I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
