Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
