sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
