you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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