I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
