I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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