i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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