we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
