Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
