I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
