Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
