Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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