it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
