whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
