If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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