hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
