I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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