1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
