Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
