and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
