1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Screwed.edu
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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