I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
