wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
