You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
