Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
