An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
