whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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