My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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