just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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