Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize