i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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