so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
