Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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