they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
