my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
