He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
