I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
