i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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