she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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