i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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