im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
