i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How does one acquire holy water?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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