What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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