we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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