Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
