It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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