I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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