youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
