Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He felt like a one man threesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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