tell your sister to shave her snatch
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
