That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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