the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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