We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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