Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
